Has this ever happened to you? You’re walking down a road in the forest. Or, perhaps you’re enjoying a quiet day with dinner and tea at home. When suddenly, you’re under attack by nature’s deadliest predator: Canis lupus giganticus malevolentus, also known as: the Big Bad Wolf.
You know their kind. They prey without mercy. They reign without fear. But now there’s hope! Peter Ignatius Godfrey III, Attorney at Law, has personally driven off wolves of all kinds and, for a low, low price, will do the same for you! Call today!1
“Hello,” she said quietly, “I made an appointment-”
“Yes, yes, hurry in, sit down, I’m a busy pig,” he said, not looking up. “Name’s Peter Ignatius Godfrey III, you know the rest, now what can I do for you?”
“Excuse me, please, but… but how do I know it’s really you?”
Now he looked up. He actually flushed with anger. “My dear woman, I killed the original Big Bad, you understand. I am the Third, the last of the Godfrey pigs of Godfreyshire, I fought in the Oz Campaigns, I-”
She rose, pulled back her red hood, and drew her sword. The pig, startled, backed up nervously. “Now, now see here, miss, I didn’t catch your name, but I assure you I am-”
“I believe you,” she said. “I don’t know about the rest of it, whether you really did all of that or not. I know what you didn’t do. I know you didn’t protect my grandmother when the wolves came. But if it’s any comfort, I do believe you are who you say you are.”
“But then why-” he said.
“Interesting,” she said, “That those should be your last words.”
She drove home the sword, then rose, cleaned it, and left, humming an old childhood song.
Editorial Note: this prompt was inspired by Scoot’s story:
You’re such a lawyer
That was fun.