Last week in the read through of my Very First Novel, our heroes were giving a stirring sendoff on their quest by the Man, the Myth, the Legend, EVAN RAMSEY, who helpfully delivered a speech right out in the open explaining exactly who they were, where they were going, and what they meant to do. This was naturally overheard by Skivvel, a rat working for the evil Lord Taradash, who’s naturally not happy about all this. Meanwhile, though, we pick up with Chapter Ten and rejoin our quest for the Lost Island, already in progress!
Unaware of what had taken place at Castle Taradash, the seven companions strode freely along the road to the city of Mirk. Mirk was in the center of Sirilan, west and a touch south of Navina, the capital, and they needed to reach Mirk so they could get a boat and travel down the Sapphire River. The journey would be several days, maybe a week, but the seven companions were ready for it. The three kids had by now toughened up enough so they could withstand long treks, and besides, they had a lot more rations and the pace was not as hard.
It was the morning after the day they had left Rocklawn. Shortly after they had set off, they had made camp in a small clump of scraggly trees by the roadside. They had all slept fairly well and had gotten up early, ready to continue the quest.
Dwayne was striding boldly out in front of the group, long ears erect, nose actively sniffing every odor that wafted across their path, and a powerful right paw twirling a loaded sling. The tough jackrabbit was clearly ready for action.
Behind Dwayne, Conrad and Shenan were busily carrying on a conversation. Conrad was growing to like the impetuous young warrior. Shenan was practically overflowing with energy and enthusiasm, and he clearly could not wait to take on the powerful army of Lord Taradash. "Those villainous vermin will rue the day they dare to challenge us!" he confidently proclaimed. "We will defeat them so mightily, the land will talk of it for years to come!"
"1 don't think we'll beat them that easily," Conrad admitted. Those Tara Raiders outnumber us about 150 to one1, from what Sean said."
"It matters not what number the foe have, only that we will have enough weapons to defeat them!" Shenan punctuated his bold statement by whipping out his scimitar and slashing the air with it. Conrad had to admire his courage, though he was a bit concerned about Shenan's apparent unconcern for the numbers of the Tara Raiders, given that the seven companions would probably have to meet them in battle at some point, and they would be doomed for defeat if Shenan insisted on taking on the whole army by himself.
Luther was alternating between gliding overhead, and walking on the ground chatting to Sean. He and Sean had instantly clicked almost the first moment they'd met, and after years of having to put up with Sirians who couldn't understand half the things he said and who were often bored to tears by his constant lecturing, the owl was very much enjoying talking to someone who not only understood what he said, but could actually have an intelligent conversation with him! Sean, for his part, was practically ecstatic. He loved talking to someone who was as intellectually minded as he was, and he was eager to learn everything about Sirilan. As Luther had a rather prodigious memory, and as he had read every single one of the masses of books in his nest, Sean was well on his way to getting learning everything there was to know about this new world he had landed in.
When Sean wasn't talking to Luther, he would practice with his rapier and shield as they walked along. This left Lucy, walking at the back of the group, with only Alexan to talk to. The only problem was that Alexan was not the most talkative person in the world. Nor the most exciting. The result was that any conversation with him generally became very boring, very fast,
Unaware of this unfortunate personality trait, Lucy tried to strike up a friendly conversation with him about an hour after they'd started off that morning, but it was like talking to a wall. Alexan simply strolled on in silence, occasionally nodding or making a small sound of assent as Lucy chattered on and on. Once in a great while, Alexan would make some short comment, and Lucy would respond to it and continue right on talking, going on and on and on in a way that would have put the Energizer Bunny to shame.
Finally, Alexan reached his limit. "All right, girl, you can stop talking now. Yon bore me with your ceaseless chatter. My dear father practically ordered me to accompany you on this 'quest' or whatever, and I will do so, but if I have to listen to one more moment of your constant ramblings, than I promise you that I will go straight back to Rocklawn, quest or no quest."
"But, I thought-" Lucy started to protest.
"Please," Alexan cut her off. "Please just stop talking!" And so she did. Lucy was practically incensed by Alexan's protest, but she soon realized that there was nothing she could do. She would just have to walk on in silence.
Lucy endured this for about half an hour, before she came to her limit. "Well, you can march along all day and not say anything, but I am going to go talk to someone!" She flounced off in a huff, towards the rest of the group.
Alexan watched her storm away. "Good luck," he murmured laconically to himself. From what he could see, the rest of the questing party were already occupied. Luther and Sean were deep into a profound discussion of aeronautic sciences, with Luther demonstrating flying techniques every now and then. Conrad and Shenan were actively debating battle strategies for attacking Lord Taradash. Dwayne was off scouting ahead somewhere.
Alexan watched, somewhat amused, as Lucy attempted to gain the attention of her companions, all unsuccessfully. Finally, she had had enough. Just as Conrad and Shenan were vociferously debating whether to storm Taradash's castle, or put it to siege, and as Luther was about to explain a certain critical element of flight science to Sean, Lucy sucked in a deep breath and screamed. "Will you all just listen to me?"
There was a moment of silence. Just then, a harsh, gritty voice rasped out from behind a large tree on the side of the road. "Sure, I'll lissen to ya. Specially since I need information for 'Is 'Ighness, Lord Taradash. S' don't move, or I'll slay yer wid me blade!"
The companions froze. Conrad quickly glanced about. "Where's Dwayne?" he murmured out of the side of his mouth to Shenan. "He should be here!"
"Maybe they've captured him," Shenan said quietly. "Wherever he is, we need to deal with this insolent-"
"Shattup, ya worthless piece of wormbait! Nah, who's gonna be first to gimme yer vittles, and wotever information y' have! Quick, now, move it!" the harsh voice sounded.
Before Conrad could stop him, Shenan defiantly drew his scimitar and called out, "We do not give anything to miserable wretches who serve a false usurper to the crown! Show yourself, coward! I, Shenan Ramsey, son of the renowned Lord Evan Ramsey of Rocklawn, challenge you to a duel!"
There was a momentary pause. Then the rasping voice laughed scornfully.
"Hahahaharrr! Yore a brave bucko, ter be challengin' me. Awrite then, lessee ya take on a full patrol o' the Tara Raiders!" Suddenly from all around them, big, burly soldiers leaped out from behind bushes and trees. There were over a score of them, rats, foxes, weasels, ferrets, one or two wolves, and the odd human. They were clothed in dark armor, bearing the insignia of Lord Taradash, the silver T. They were all well armed, with cutlasses, spears, bows and arrows, battleaxes, even some javelins were evident among the bristling array.
From the look of them, Luther guessed that they were merely a patrol, who had been fortunate enough to stumble upon some unwary travelers. Yet the danger was still very real, and it was compounded by the sudden disappearance of Dwayne. The remaining six companions realized that they were all in serious trouble, and Shenan's rash behavior had only made things worse.
"Oh, bravo, Shenan, bravo.” Very nice strategy. So what now, my reckless brother?" Alexan whispered to Shenan quietly. Before Shenan could reply, the Tara Raider who had first spoken came out from behind the tree. The Raider was a scruffy-looking rat, bearing a rusty cutlass. He was obviously the leader of the patrol.
"So, me bucko, where's yer brave talkin' now? Not so tough now, arc ya? Hah!" The rat spat into the dirt. "Awrite, cummon, `and over yer vittles an' weapons nice an' easy like. if n ya do it quick-like, we'll let yer go free, right, buckos?" The rat winked at his companions, who all sniggered and looked knowingly at each other.
One burly soldier, a tall heavy man, called out mockingly. "Yeah, we'll let ya go free, right into a lake wid a rock tied on to yer. You’ll be free to go where ya want!" The other Tara Raiders roared with glee, but the rat officer was outraged. He stormed over to the burly soldier and began belaboring him with the flat of his cutlass. "Yer brainless scum, now we'll have to get rid of `em, cause you mis'ruble fleabrained excuse for a Tara Raider opened yer big mouth and blabbed wot we're gonna do!" Just then, the rat seemed to realize that the six companions were still standing there and had heard all he'd said. The rat officer ceased whacking his comrade and turned to Conrad and the others. His voice seemed to drip with false sincerity. "Nah, don't yew worry about wot this lousy excuse for a-I mean, my dear comrade said. We won't harm a hair on yer heads, `long as ya throw down yer weapons and vittles nice `an quiet like. `Ave we got a deal?"
Shenan waved his scimitar defiantly. "Why should we listen to the lying promises of thieves and cowards? We will never surrender to fat, lazy scum such as you!"
"Oh, well put, Shenan," Alexan congratulated with heavy sarcasm, "You know, if we survive this little fracas, remind me to tell you about a little thing called tact, also diplomacy. I think you've forgotten about them,"
The rat officer practically squealed in outrage, "Ooh! Didja `ear that, buckos? called me fat `an lazy! `An `e said we were cowards! Less show `em they can't talk about Tara Raiders that way, mates! `Oo's wid me?" The Tara Raider patrol cheered wildly, grabbed their weapons, and prepared to rush upon the six travelers.
Conrad, feeling more afraid than he had ever been in his life, barked out a stream of orders. "Quick, form up, foursquare, Lucy in the middle! Luther, fly up and swoop down on them from above! Arrow on string, Lucy! The rest of you, swords drawn, shields up! We may be outnumbered, but we'll go down fighting!"
Just as the Tara Raiders were about to charge, a large rock zinged out of nowhere and smacked the rat officer right between his mangy ears, laying him flat. The burly soldier ran over to the officer. "Hoi! Barty's clean out, mates! `Oo did that?"
As if in answer, another round pebble thwacked him on the back of the head with such speed that it laid him out flat on the path next to Barty, the rat officer. Suddenly a wild screeching yell blasted out of some nearby trees, followed by two more slingstones.
"Yeeeaaaahooooo! Ah’d git down flat if’n Ah wuz y'all! Sirilahn forevah! Yeeeehaaaaa!"
It was Dwayne! The brawny jackrabbit came bounding out of the woods, slings twirling, yelling his war cry to the heavens. The Tara Raiders were so scared, they immediately dropped face down onto the ground, wailing piteously and crying like babies. "Waaaaaaah! Please spare us, we didn't mean `em any harm! Barty made us do it! Oh please, yer honour, have mercy on us! Waaaaah!"
Dwayne stood, twirling his slings ominously, towering over the terrified patrol like some primeval colossus. "Mersah? Y'all ask fer mersah? Were y'all gonna show mersah to mah friends? Didn't sound lahk it to meh!"
The patrol wept beseechingly, faces down on the ground, noses in the dirt. "Ow please, yer honour, it was all Barty's fault, `e made us, we didn't wanna hurt `em, but the cap'n made us, ow please yer lordship, please let us go free! We'll never bother anyone again, we'll run off and raise little `uns, on our auntie's bonnet, we will, just please don't kill us, yer honour!"
“Aw, be quaht whal Ah talk to mah friends about it," Dwayne said, stepping over the weeping patrol and joining the others on the path.
"Where were you?" Lucy asked. "We nearly got killed!"
"Well, Ah wuz doin' some scoutin' up ahead, and Ah noticed them rascals lahin' in wait in the bushes, so Ah slipped back and waited to see what y'all would do," Dwayne answered. "And Ah hafta give ya credit, y'all did purty near well! Although meh an' Shenan need to have a little talk about not bein' so reckless in fyuchah. Still, y'all did all raht. Specialleh you, Conrad. Ya got some real leadership potential, s'long as ya use it wahzleh."
Conrad blushed with pride at the jackrabbit's praise. Shenan blushed a little too, but not quite with pride. Dwayne spoke louder now, making sure the Tara Raider patrol could hear. "So, what'll weh do with these heah vermin?" He winked at the others.
Alexan caught on to what the hare wanted to do. "Well, I suppose we could eliminate them," He had hardly gotten the words out before the Tara Raiders sent up a great wail that nearly drowned out Lucy's gasp of protest.
Dwayne roared out, "I maht jist do it here and now and y'ail don't shut up!" Instantly, silence fell. “Waal," the hare drawled, "we could kell `em, but Ah really don't want y'all to mess up your nahce new swords with all that messah stuff . Tell ya what," he said, picking up one of the patrol's spears and hefting it menacingly. "If these heah vermin promise t'go fah away from heah, t'leave Sirilahn and nevah, Ah mean, nevah, return, than Ah maht let `em go. But Ah'll change mah mahnd if they're still heah in the next fahve seconds. One, two, threh..." But the patrol had vanished, racing off to the east so fast that they left their weapons behind. Dwayne chuckled softly. "Works everah tahm, everah saingle tahm."
2023 me’s comments: Yes, I totally borrowed the villain accents and characterizations from your standard Redwall vermin type. My apologies to the late Brian Jacques. I’m sure you noticed the subtle characterizations of the Ramsey boys; will they experience any character growth during the course of the story? Will Alexan get nicer and Shenan less reckless?
I honestly don’t remember, actually. Let’s find out together, shall we?
Until next time,
Michael
To save you the time and effort of multiplying, 150 to one means that the Tara Raiders had about one thousand fighters, and they only had seven. No wonder Conrad was worried. [Editorial Note: Yes, this was in the original.]
Yeesh. Battle of the accents: Texas vs. Cockney.
Given that Brian Jacques is now deceased, he probably won't mind you borrowing his playbook.
I certainly can relate to Lucy- I want to talk other people online all the time but I can barely get a word in edgewise. There are certainly some overproducing Substackers whom I wish would SHUT UP for a while. (But not you).