Ask the Captain: Kaboom, Part Two

Hello and welcome to our weekly advice column by Captain Happily Married, Edison City’s heroic defender against evil, injustice, and interpersonal conflicts! Today’s topic: aliens!

Dear Captain, this letter is in response to “Hope”, the babysitter who wrote last week seeking advice about her dilemma in using her power-absorption abilities to babysit a child who is both pyrokinetic and invulnerable. I’m a superheroine myself, and yes, I’m what you call a flying brick, and I can blast fire. So believe me, I get what this kid’s problem is. The thing is: it’s one thing to absorb the power; it’s a whole different thing to get the instinct, the sense of control, all the stuff you develop after years and years and years of practicing and holding it in when you feel like you’re about to incinerate the bleachers on the softball field (‘cause you can’t play since you know you’d vaporize the ball with one kick) and sometimes you just fly off into the atmosphere and have a bit of a vent and then the next day the news is going on about freaky solar flares or some such thing but really that was you-

I mean, anyway. It’s like the opposite of Frozen. Everyone loved that movie, right? No one loves the pyro people. Unless you want an instant barbecue for your Fourth of July party, then we’re super popular, but otherwise, forget it. Also, sometimes I worry we’re causing climate change. I mean, the other day I singlehandedly melted a giant robot, and that took blue-hot flames, that’s got to count for something, right? I worry.

Anyway. I’m off topic. Pyro invulnerable kid, babysitter, right. Erm, stay in school, drink lots of milk, and think happy thoughts about Antarctica and penguins. That helps more than you’d think. Bye now!

Sincerely,

-[Redacted], aka Gaseous Girl, Edison City

Dear Gaseous Girl,

Aha! A fellow comrade in the pursuit of justice! I appreciate your thoughts on my correspondence! I’d comment further, but at the moment the city is under attack by an invasion of aliens from outer space! On that note, as you’re a native of our fair metropolis, could you lend assistance? Super Soccer Mom and I are staging a rally point at the corner of Seventh and Main, near the Fried Egg diner, and I’m not certain I can hold back the enemy without aid! Indeed I fear-

*pew THWIRM blam*

*FWOOOSH*

“Oh, my. Violet fire. That is not something I have seen before.”

Astoundedly,

Captain Happily Married

If you’d like to submit questions to be answered by Captain Happily Married or Super Soccer Mom, comment below! To read a story I wrote featuring further adventures of the Captain and Co., go here. For more adventures of the superheroes and regulars in Edison City, subscribe below!