Hello and welcome to our weekly advice column by Captain Happily Married, Edison City’s heroic defender against evil, injustice, and interpersonal conflicts! Today’s topic: babysitting!
Dear Captain,
Okay, unofficially, I know, you know me already, I’m your babysitter Hope, but hey, I figure why not, you know what I mean? Anyway, like I said, I babysit, and since I’ve got powers as it happens, I sit exclusively for superpowered families. Comes in real useful to have a sitter you can rely on to keep your identity secret and handle the kids too, am I right?
Anyway, I know you know this, I’ve sat for your kids like a dozen times. But here’s the thing: one of my other moms, she’s got this kid, his name’s Davey. Mom’s invulnerable, Dad’s a pyro, and wouldn’t you know it, kid got powers from both sides. And he got ‘em early.
So I show up at their house and they’re heading out for their dinner date or whatever and usually I get a heads-up about what powers the kid has but somehow I forget to ask this time, but I figure I can handle it, and next thing I know I hear this kaboom from the bathroom. It was not pleasant, let me tell you. And here’s my real problem: I’ve got a power myself. I can absorb the powers of the kid I’m watching, right? How is that going to help here? I can add my fire blasts to Davey’s? Neither of us get hurt when the house caves in ‘cause we melted the bathroom and just about everything inside?
I’m at a loss here, Cap. It’s a good thing I got your email because Davey’s parents are due back in like an hour and I don’t know what the heck to tell ‘em. This didn’t happen with Refrigerator Man’s kid, let me tell you. Dude just turns into a little mini-fridge and that’s that. Easiest sitting gig ever, you know? Anyway.
Frantic and apparently flammable now,
Hope
Dear Hope,
Hold on! Super Soccer Mom is on the way, accompanied by her electronically enhanced soccer ball, Winston! I would be on the way as well, but at this exact moment I am on course to intercept an invasion of aliens from outer space! Why they’ve chosen to attack our particular metropolitan area I don’t know, but rest assured I intend to find out! In the meantime, I suggest a combination of Daniel Tiger and Cocomelon, perhaps Baby Shark to calm the child until Super Soccer Mom arrives! You won’t believe how helpful those-
***pew pew BLAM*
Oh my! These aliens appear more capable than I had anticipated! I may be unable to continue this correspondence and engage in battle at the same-
*KRR-THWIRM*
To Be Continued….
To find out what happens next, or if you’d like to submit questions to be answered by Captain Happily Married or Super Soccer Mom, leave a comment or email with your question! To read a story featuring further adventures of the Captain and Co., go here. For more adventures of the superheroes and regulars in Edison City, subscribe below!