Hello, all:
As we begin this week, I see that Mystic Dan did not win the Preakness Stakes, which means that there will be no Triple Crown winner this year. Wikipedia tells me that the only living Triple Crown winners, horse-wise, are American Pharoah and Justify. I don’t remember Justify as much; I do however remember American Pharoah. That horse was something, let me tell you (even if the spelling bothers me). He just pulled away from the others and treated the whole thing like a romp. That horse had power.
I have no idea whether Mystic Dan will run in the Belmont; being in Louisville, our interest fades after the Kentucky Derby unless a Triple Crown contender is involved. And speaking of, it’s time to talk about…
The Pants
Yeah. Among other various attractions Louisville is home to the Valhalla Golf Club, which this year hosted the PGA Championship. I’ve not been to Valhalla, neither the golf club nor the legendary feasting hall of the Norse gods of old; this year, through, things went awry, at least at the golf club. A lot of details are being argued over, naturally, but two things you need to know: one, the world’s top golfer got arrested, and two, the police officers protecting the great city of Louisville have very expensive pants, as seen in this instantly immortal police report:
Now, it’s been a minute since I’ve got out to the store to buy pants; I’ll buy honest with you, usually I just head over to Wal-Mart or Meijer and find the first couple good pairs that fit. In my experience eighty bucks could get you three, four pairs easy, maybe more if there’s a sale on. Why one pair of pants should cost you that much I’m not sure, although I’ve been given to understand through local media that these are Special Tactical Pants, and that the Special Tacticality of these Super-Pants explains the cost. Of course, now I wonder if these Magic Pants are so Super and Tactical, you’d think they’d stand up to a bit of whatever it was that happened: we don’t know for sure as we don’t have video camera footage, which we don’t have because, darn the bad luck, there’s no body camera footage. Funny how that is.
Anyhow, I’m being told by The Management that we’re straying Dangerously Close to Politics here, so let’s move on to…
Writing Update
We’re moving into what I really think is either the final or second-to-last chapter of the sequel of The Ballad of Evinrude and Eulalie, which means I probably need a better title sooner rather than later. Our main characters are presently having a conversation with dragons. I expect a fight will break out shortly. You know how it is.
I’m considering putting in a philosophical paradox for everyone to discuss à la the Ship of Theseus in the finale of WandaVision. Suggestions welcome!
Closing Time
Speaking of pants, let’s talk a moment and recall one of the lesser-known works of Dr. Seuss, What Was I Scared Of?, an odd little story about someone who unexpectedly encounters a pair of pale green pants with nobody inside them! Below is a dramatic reading, with accompaniment on the piano. Enjoy!
Until next time,
Michael