The Weekly Muse #37

Can We Agree That Duels Are Dumb and Immature?

Last week, our heroes finally met the Raccoon Brethren, led by High Chieftain Zakkle, who takes them at last to the Lost Island where they discover the one they’ve been looking for, the one, the only, the Lost Prince Patrick Levillian Revandi Montisle! This week: he speaks! And then shuts up….

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"Hail, friends!" the Prince greeted them. His voice was strong and regal, resonating around the hallway like spring thunder. “I am Patrick, son of Lawrence and Alicia, heir to the throne of Sirilan! Who might you be?”  

Conrad spoke quietly. He could hardly keep the emotion out of his voice. “I am Conrad,  and these are my friends, Lucy, Sean, Luther, Dwayne, Alexan, Shenan, Lukewil, a score of Sirian mice, and our loyal ally Zakkle, the High Chieftain of the Raccoon Brethren. We have come for no other end than to seek you.”

“I thank you for your loyalty towards the crown of Sirilan,” the Prince replied. “You have done well, and now the deliverance of Sirilan can begin. But hold, let us leave this place, for the sight of this ancient ruin is growing weary to me. Come,” So saying, the Prince took a marvelously jeweled sword in hand and strode down the hallway. The companions followed the Prince through the long, winding corridors and out onto the bridge leading off the island. As they crossed the bridge, the Prince remarked to Conrad, “Truly, it was a great thing that you accomplished, questing here and braving the dangers of the Southern Forest. No other Sirian has reached the Lost Island, other than yourselves."

Conrad blushed, "Oh, don't thank me, thank Zakkle. Without him and his Raccoon Brethren, we never would have found this place."

"Neither would I," a harsh voice sounded from the trees. Rakkla the Fox Captain stepped out from behind a large oak. His face bore a proud, triumphant smile.

Shenan snatched his scimitar and started forward, but before he could reach the land, an arrow zipped out of the Forest like an angry wasp. Shenan whipped up his sword so fast that the arrow was blocked from hitting his chest. It glanced off his sword and splashed into the waters of the lake.

Behind Rakkla, fifty Tara Raiders and Feline Legionnaires emerged from the trees. The soldiers were all that was left of the two hundred and twenty armed warriors that Rakkla had started out with. The rest had been slain by the Raccoon Brethren. The survivors were ragged and tattered, and many of them were wounded. But there was no mistaking the wild look of triumph in their eyes. The companions and the Raccoon Brethren were trapped on the bridge. Rakkla's band blocked their only way of escape! Rakkla threw back his head and laughed mockingly. At last, they had finally won.

Rakkla drew his swords and stepped closer to the small band. "After twelve years of searching, the Lost Island is mine at last! Now, which one of you is the prince? Oh, yes, you are!" He leveled one of his sabers at the Prince.

Patrick drew his sword. He started forward, but a loud twang rent the air The tabby centurion stood ready at the head of his remaining command., carrying a wide longbow. He twanged the string again warningly and called out, "Legionnaires, bows ready! If anyone moves, shoot him!'

Immediately, eighteen loaded longbows stretched taut, and eighteen arrows aimed right at the prince. The Tara Raiders followed suit, aiming javelins and spears at the companions on the bridge.

Rakkla stepped back and joined his soldiers. The Fox Captain sheathed his swords, reached over and snatched a spear from a Tara Raider. He aimed it right at the Prince. “Soldiers, fire on my signal! Now, it’s time to do what I should have done twelve years ago!” Rakkla had a terrible smile as he pulled back the spear to throw.

It was at that moment that Sean Christopher became a hero. When it finally dawned on Sean that Rakkla meant to kill them all right there on the bridge, something inside him snapped. He whipped out his rapier, pushed past the Prince out to the front of the group, and before Rakkla could give the order, called out, “Wait! Stop! Don’t fire!”

Rakkla paused. “What is this? Why should I wait? I have waited twelve years to kill the Prince, so tell me why I should wait even one moment longer?”

“Because I want to challenge you!” Sean yelled.

The watching companions and Tara Raiders gasped in astonishment. Lucy started forward, a look of horror on her face. “No! Sean, don’t!”

“Challenge me?” Rakkla scoffed. “Who are you that you dare to challenge me?”

“I’m Sean Christopher,” Sean shot back, “I am a friend of the true king Patrick, and I challenge you to a duel of honor!”

There was a moment of stunned silence. Then, the companions and soldiers heard a sound that few had ever heard before. Rakkla, the Fox Captain of all the Tara Raiders was laughing! No, he wasn't just laughing, he was guffawing! He was practically splitting his sides with merriment. The amazed companions could only stare in disbelief, while many of the Tara Raiders and Feline Legionnaires dutifully joined in their Captain's hilarity. Many of them were laughing sincerely. The very idea that a mere boy could ‘challenge’ Rakkla, the most feared fighter in the Tara Raiders!

Finally, Rakkla managed to get his mirth under control. Trying to repress his snickers, he asked Sean, "Are you mad, boy? Do you know who I am? I am Rakkla, commander of all the Tara Raiders! I report directly to Lord Taradash! Are you a fool that you would dare to challenge me?"

"What about Sirian law?" Sean shot back. "Isn't there a Sirian law about duels and challenges and stuff like that?"

Rakkla smirked. "What Sirian law? 1 know no law that deals with that!"

Sean looked to Luther. The owl was shaken by the day's events, but he managed to collect himself and responded. "Ahem, ahem," he coughed nervously, than began. "According to Section 49, Page 37, Paragraph B, Line 12, of the noble Constitution of Sirilan, during the course of a rebellion, widespread conflict, or other form of armed combat, in which one or more parties which to discontinue hostilities in a peaceable manner, yet in a way so that the honor and dignity of both parties will be preserved; thus, therefore, and accordingly, considering these variables and also giving due thought to other various and important issues and conditions, but. not implying undue consideration to either one or the other of the two factions-"

"'Oh, get on with it!" a harsh voice called out from the trees. There was a faint chorus of laughter from both sides, companions and Tara Raiders.

Luther glared daggers at the one who'd spoken, then continued, "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, the law continues to state that in those situations, the leader or a chosen representative of one of the involved parties may challenge the other leader or chosen representative to a monomachy, or single combat, or vice versa. It is, of course, fully understood by both parties, that whichever representative achieves victory in the contest will also ensure victory for his represented party, thus ending, in theory, satisfactorily ending the conflict.”

“Thank you, Luther,” Sean said, then turned back to Rakkla. “There, you see? I think this qualifies as a conflict, and I, at least, would like to end it peaceably, so therefore, I challenge you to single combat!”

Rakkla scowled. Sean had placed him in a corner. Taradash had always shown a pretense of abiding by Sirian law, in fact, it was by this supposed obedience to Sirian law that he had claimed the throne. Many of the Tara Raiders and Feline Legionnaires respected the Sirian constitution, if not all of them. If Rakkla did not accept Sean’s challenge, he would be looked down on by his .soldiers, and the Sirians. They might even question his honor. Not that Rakkla cared much for that. but he did not want them to think he was afraid, or cowardly.

On the other hand, he had his enemy right where he wanted them. The companions were cornered. They had no place to run! If Rakkla accepted Sean's challenge, the companions might use the opportunity to escape. Maybe Sean might keep him distracted long enough for Rokkachan to arrive with the rest of the Raccoon Brethren. Of course, it had not even entered into the Fox Captain's mind that Sean might win.

Rakkla stood, undecided as to what to do. That is, until Sean inadvertently decided the question for him by saying, "Well? Do you accept? Or are you too afraid?"

That settled it. Rakkla whipped out his twin sabers. "All right, worm, I accept your challenge. If you win, than I and my forces will draw back and let your band escape to your raccoon friends. If I win, you all die here! Fair enough?" Sean nodded grimly. "Than let the contest begin!"

Rakkla crouched low, brandishing his swords menacingly, circling closer to Sean. Sean held his rapier in the en garde position, standing ready for combat. Sean was afraid, but as often takes place in times of great crisis, he forgot his fear, and stood ready.

With the lightning swiftness that had made the Fox Captain the renowned fighter that he was, Rakkla attacked! He lunged forward and slashed hard in a fierce downward stroke„ yelling as he did, "Taraaaaaaaa!"

Sean skipped sideways, leaped forward, and thrust at Rakkla's side, responding with his own war cry, "Sirilaaaaaaaan!" The Fox Captain whirled around and skillfully parried Sean's thrust, Sean snapped his blade back and thrust again. Again Rakkla parried. The two circled each other, thrusting, slashing, parrying, striking, blades locked together in deadly combat.

As the companions cheered Sean, and the Tara Raiders cheered Rakkla, Lucy wondered despairingly how in the world Sean could win. Rakkla had the advantage of superior skill, height, weight, and weaponry, as he had two heavy sabers and Sean wielded only one light rapier. Of course, since Sean was lighter and smaller than his opponent, he could move faster and dodge rings around Rakkla, but Lucy wasn't sure how that would help him now.

Rakkla locked one of his deadly swords with Sean's, then thrust forward, aiming at Sean's head. Sean brought up his small shield and ducked. The saber hit the shield with such force that Sean felt a shaft of pain shoot up his arm. He managed to hold steady, however, as Rakkla brought his superior weight and height to bear, pushing hard on Sean's rapier and shield with his two sabers. Sean dug his feet into the ground and pushed back, but he soon realized that he was hard put just to hold his position. Rakkla smiled grimly. Soon, now, he would defeat this insolent pup who had defied him. He pushed harder, waiting to spring his surprise move. Silence fell as the crowd watched the two’s fierce struggle in front of the bridge.

Suddenly, Rakkla made his move. The Fox Captain gave a lightning-fast twist to his saber.  Before Sean knew what was happening, his rapier was wrenched from his hand! It flew up in the air, then dropped to earth, just a few feet away from Sean. Sean scrambled for it, but Rakkla swiftly blocked his way. Lucy felt a pang of fear. Sean was unarmed, defenseless except for his little round shield, and confronted by a fearsome enemy. What was worse, Sean appeared terror-stricken. His face was white, and he had a frightened look in his eyes, almost like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. Rakkla advanced slowly, sabers held high, his face a mask of victory. "Ahahahahaaa!” he laughed insanely. "So, you thought you could take on the most feared fighter in all of Sirilan? Hahahaaaa! When I’m done with you, you'll wish you'd never heard of the Lost Island!"

With all the speed and power of a coiling adder, Rakkla struck! His swords slashed down, once, twice, a third time! Desperately, Sean deflected the blows with his shield, but each time, pain lanced down his arm. Sean knew he could not keep this up much longer.

At that moment, Sean's feet slipped in some mud and he fell hard, still clutching his shield. The triumphant Fox Captain stood over him, swords raised high.

"Hahahahaaaa! You fool, did you actually think you could defeat me? Hah! You insolent worm, you fight like a girl! And now, you will know the full penalty of defying Lord Taradash!"

Unknowingly, Rakkla had just made a very big mistake. The Fox Captain's insulting words cut through Sean's fear like a knife through butter. The companions saw a spark flash in Sean's eye. "I do not fight like a girl!" he protested.

The Fox Captain ignored Sean's protest, but Lucy did not. A desperate idea flashed into her mind just then, an idea that she realized was the only hope of saving Sean. Just as Rakkla started to bring his swords down, Lucy called out as loud as she could, "He's right, Sean! You do fight like a girl! Strike that. You fight worse than a girl. In fact, I could beat you with one hand tied behind my back! I-”

But Lucy could say no more. A maddened light flashed in Sean's eyes. Lucy's insults (insults to him, anyway) had hit him at his weakest point. Sean was tilled with a furious rage. With one enraged swing, he threw his shield right at Rakkla. There was a loud clang as the shield smacked into the Fox Captain's face. Rakkla lurched backward.

Sean leaped up, scrambled for his rapier, and charged towards the Fox Captain, whirling his blade aloft and yelling fiercely, "Yaaaaaaaah!"

For the first time in his life, Rakkla felt cold, paralyzing fear. He staggered backwards, trying to get away, but Sean was upon him. Sean slashed wildly at the Fox Captain. Rakkla had lost both his swords when he was hit by Sean's shield, but the wily Fox Captain still had one desperate trick up his sleeve, He pulled a jagged dagger from his belt and hurled it at Sean, right into the path of Sean's frenziedly waving rapier. The keen blade smacked against the dagger and sent it hurtling right back at Rakkla. The dagger struck straight into the fox's evil heart. He tottered for a moment, then fell, slain by his own dagger. There was a stunned moment of silence. Sean had won!

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2024 me’s notes:

So, first off, yes, the subtitle was the line from Hamilton. Yes, Rakkla was absolutely mirroring/quoting Frollo in Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame when he found the Court of Miracles. Yes, Rakkla’s evil laughs are wildly over the top.

For me, the real problem looking back over this is: where on earth is Patrick during all this? Why didn’t he challenge Rakkla? Come to think of it, why did the kids need to “discover” him in the first place? It’d be one thing if, as was suggested last week, he was raised by the Raccoon Brethren, speaks their lingo, and has no idea what’s going on, sort of a cross between Mowgli in The Jungle Book and Simba in The Lion King situation. Here, he just steps onto the page, fully formed in rightful heir mode, all “hail fellow well met” and ready to go. What did he need them for? Couldn’t he have just left the forest himself, met up with Lukewil and his mouse warriors, and kicked off the rebellion? What gives, buddy?

…

That is what I would say, if I were a critic. As the author, looking back on all this, I would say that…. I didn’t think of it? I had the idea that he was with the Raccoon Brethren from the get-go, because it was in the poem at the beginning, but I hadn’t thought of the problem of why he should be there in the first place, other than Because the Prophecy Says So, and so, well, there you are. I did say this was my first novel.

Anyway, tune in next week for some post-duel discussion, and a bird!