Reply Hazy, Try Again
“Hey, boss!” Candystriper said, wandering into the secret lair, “Wanna guess what I found?”
The Malevolent Med-Student rolled his eyes. “Unless, my henchwoman, it happens to be the Kaboominator we lost during our last encounter with Captain Happily Married, I’m not particularly interested!”
Candystriper sighed. “No, it’s a magic 8-ball. Guaranteed to work.”
“Guaranteed by whom exactly?”
“How should I know? That’s what it said on the box!”
The Malevolent Med-Student wondered, not for the first time, whether he should reach out to the Henchmens’ Union for a replacement. “Bravo. Now why don’t you go use it to commit some felony or something and leave me to my work!” In point of fact he wasn’t doing anything at that moment but staring morosely at the ceiling, but he felt obligated to be dramatic all the same.
Candystriper sniffed and walked out. “Fine,” she muttered. “I will, just you watch.” She paused on the sidewalk. There was a bank nearby, and a pharmacy on the corner over: she could hit one of them, but which?
Her eyes lit up as she remembered. Candystriper whipped out the magic 8-ball and held it up. She took a moment to formulate her question. “Oh magic 8-ball,” she intoned, “Shall I raid the pharmacy over on that corner and liberate it from its medical supplies and any other cash or credit cards it may have on hand?”
She shook the magic 8-ball and waited for an answer.
It is decidedly so.
“Awesome,” Candystriper said. “Hey, no big, but is Mal-Meddie gonna be happy when I do? It’d be nice to know that in advance just the once, you know? I mean, he’s alright in his way, but the dude is, y’know, a supervillain, and sometimes he goes a little crazy with the cheese whiz, you know what I mean?”
My sources say no.
Candystriper paused. “Wait. Is that a no, as in you don’t know what I mean, or no as is Mal-Meddie won’t be happy? Shoot, that’s not a yes/no question, is it?”
Cannot predict now.
“That wasn’t a question!” Candystriper yelled at the magic 8-ball. “Okay, okay, back up! Let’s try this again! Is the Malevolent Med-Student gonna be happy when I hit the pharmacy or not?”
Outlook not so good.
The henchwoman nearly exploded in wrath. “What kinda- okay, okay, fine! I’m gonna hit the stupid bank! You happy now?”
My sources say no.
“Oh, shut up!” With that, the furious Candystriper stormed off down the street, throwing the ball as far away from her as she could. A moment later, the Malevolent Med-Student emerged from the hideout, looking slightly puzzled.
“Candystriper, about our earlier discussion, I thought-Candystriper?”
Alas, his loyal henchwoman had disappeared into the crowd, leaving the Malevolent Med-Student, for once, alone.
This story inspired by ‘s prompt: Write about a magic 8 ball.
Clear as fog! 😂