Kowalski!

Editorial Note: it being the day after Thanksgiving, rather than the usual Ask the Captain column, here’s a bit of flash fiction for you. Enjoy!

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The doctor was muddling about in his secret lab and didn’t even notice at first when Captain Happily Married smashed in the door. “You there!” the Captain thundered. “Cease your foul experimentation or face justice!”

“What?” the doctor said. “Who do you think I am, the Malevolent Med-Student? I haven’t done anything, honest! I’m just plain old Arthur Kowalski, trying to frinfantilate a padamantium iode here. Would you mind leaving me to do it in peace?”

Super Soccer Mom folded her arms. “First off, Dr. Kowalski, those aren’t real words. Secondly, we know about the experiments you used to do with genetically enhanced weasels back in ‘97. Thirdly, we’ve been in contact with the city zoo and, funny thing: they can’t seem to find Cuddles the Wolverine. Would you know anything about that?”

“No, honestly, I haven’t done anything at all since ‘97 other than this harmless research,” Dr. Kowalski said, trying to look innocent. “Why?”

“Cuddles just ate a planetarium.”

“Ah. Oops.”

“Yeah. Fortunately the Captain knocked him out in mid-Saturn. Now, you’re going to tell us how to get him back to normal before he wakes up and gets designs on the library.”

“Got it, okay,” the doctor said, nodding vigorously. “But there is one thing you should know.”

“What?”

“I also worked on raccoons.”

Both the Captain and Super Soccer Mom looked up. Yellow eyes glowed in the darkness of the lab. Then they turned red.

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