Gaseous Girl and the Winds of Time 11: Splitters
She's a flying brick with the power to control one of the fundamental states of matter, but no one takes her seriously. That's about to change.
Previously, Gaseous Girl rescued her evil counterpart from the icy lake in the ninth circle; now she and Evil Madeleine must make their way out through the remaining eight circles. They’ve got a long way to go…
"Oh, joy," Madeleine Prime said. "Another ditch. Only seven more after this one, if I remember my Dante right."
"Hey, that one demon dude has a sword. Cool," Evil Madeleine observed.
Madeleine Prime rolled her eyes. “At least the bridge looks okay in this one.” She climbed wearily back into the Zamboni. "Onward, Screwbolt. The quicker we get out of here, the better."
"Sure thing, love," Screwbolt grumbled. "Happy to oblige." The little goblin had driven them out of the frozen lake of Circle Nine and stayed with them into Circle Eight, grumbling all the way. Madeleine Prime wondered why he'd stuck with them. Then again, if one were a goblin doomed to clean up the ice at the bottom of hell, what else did one have to do?
They rumbled slowly forward onto the bridge. As they did, Madeleine Prime glanced down at the sword-wielding demon. He didn’t seem to have noticed them; he was staring at a figure lurching towards him, a figure which looked human and oddly familiar.
"Hey," Madeleine Prime said in surprise. "I know that guy. I voted for him. Twice. Why-"
Whang went the sword. Madeleine winced. She'd never been split in half down to her entrails before, but she figured it had to hurt. Evil Madeleine made a sort of choking noise. "Hey, no fair!"
"You too?" Madeleine Prime said, in some surprise.
Evil Madeleine smirked. "He was cool. Seized power, tried to take over the world, fired off some missiles… good times. I took over the year after…. or maybe the revolution got him and then I took over. I forget. Anyway."
"Ah. Well, in my world he wasn't bad. Didn't seem like it anyway. Said good stuff." Madeleine, unlike some superheroes she knew, tried to stay out of politics. When one spends one's nights taking down the Shrieking Tree Demon or prowling through sewers in search of the Baleful Burglar, one tends not to worry about appropriations bills or the tax code. Still, this guy had said good stuff.
Madeleine had been impressed enough that she had dutifully marched into the voting booth and marked his name. She even remembered when he had died, and for once she'd actually been upset. Yet, here he was down in a ditch getting sliced in bits with a sword, the eternal punishment of sowers of discord. It figured. Madeleine wondered if she should've focused more on what he'd actually done then the good stuff he'd said. "Ah, well," she said, shrugging, "Next ditch, please, Screwbolt."
The Zamboni whirred on. They managed to get through and over ditch after ditch after ditch, although Madeleine had to stop her evil self from getting into an all-out scrap with a tangle of lizards at ditch seven. Finally they neared the edge of Circle Eight. A high cliff rose in the distance.
“I’m gonna puke,” Evil Madeleine said as they zoomed towards it.
“Still not over ditch two?” Madeleine Prime said. “That was bad, honestly. All those people stuck in all that cr-”
The Zamboni skidded to a stop. They had just reached the cliff, and it was patently obvious they could ride on the machine no further. A rock wall, sheer and ominous, towered impossibly high above them. Far to her left, Madeleine saw a cascade of dark water tumbling down the wall. She had forgotten the name of the river from Dante, but she remembered it flowed through Circle Seven, and had murderers submerged in it. Something to look forward to, she figured. Meantime, there was the cliff.
"Well, see ya," Screwbolt said. "I hope y' get out, I really do. But I'm goin' back to Nine."
"Hang on there," Madeleine said. "Is there a path at all that leads up?"
"Nah," the goblin said shortly. "See, usually people ain't trying to go back. Usually people are goin' the other way."
"Well, then, how do they get down?" Madeleine vaguely remembered something about a rope, but she didn't quite recollect exactly how the descent had been made. "It has to work both ways, right?"
Screwbolt sniggered. "Sure. Sure it does. Blimey, you're in fer a treat." Before Madeleine could say anything else, the goblin had summarily popped back in the Zamboni and driven away, back into the depths of Circle Eight.
The two Madeleines, good and evil, stood alone at the base of the rock wall. "We could try flying?" Madeleine suggested. "Our powers do work down here. I'm trying not to think why."
"You know what? I'm gonna bail," Evil Madeleine said. "We've been going along on that stupid Zamboni, riding past ditch after ditch after ditch, and now we've got to fly or climb or whatever up a stupid cliff, and there's, what, seven more circles to go? This sucks. And it's boring."
Madeleine Prime glared at her. "This is hell. You have something better to do? You want I should've left you in the ice back in Nine?"
Evil Madeleine glared right back. "I could've gotten out. Eventually. Anyway, isn't there some kind of hole or something down there? How come we didn't go that way instead of clear back up through all the circles of hell?"
"Did you even read Dante?" Madeleine Prime snapped. "The way out through Circle Nine goes right by Satan. I haven't exactly dreamed of meeting the Big Bad, you know what I mean?"
"So what do I care? I'm evil. Satan and me should be like best buds!"
Madeleine Prime was aghast. "And the fact that it's the freakin' Devil doesn't deter you at all?"
Before Evil Madeleine could answer, there was a sudden loud thud from behind them. Slowly they turned. All at once, Madeleine Prime remembered how Dante had gotten down the cliff.
Above them loomed a gigantic winged beast with the face of a man, huge lion-like paws, immense bat-like wings, and a barbed tail that curved venomously around behind him. It rumbled something at the two Madeleines that might have been Latin and might have been some other hellish language. "Hi...there..." Madeleine Prime said.
"Well, bye," Evil Madeleine said, and without further comment tore off for Circle Eight as hard as she could run.
"Oh, no, you don't-" Madeleine Prime started to say, but the monster's tail abruptly slammed down in between her and her alternate self. It rumbled at her again. It seemed irritated. The last thing Madeleine wanted to do was to irritate the giant hell-monster.
"So," Madeleine said. "Geryon, right? Okay, I'd like to get out of hell. I wanted to take her too, but-"
The monster's wings flapped, creating a sudden hurricane of wind that nearly bowled Madeleine over. Then it lurched into the air and disappeared above Circle Eight. Madeleine Prime stood awkward and alone at the base of the wall. "Well then. So much for that."
She was about to try flying up the side of the cliff when Geryon reappeared, Evil Madeleine clutched tight and shrieking in one of his monstrous paws. The monster landed with another thud, and growled at her, gesturing with its tail for her to climb on. Madeleine Prime would’ve almost preferred the Zamboni, but she had little choice. She climbed on and the monster launched off. They soared upwards into the dark, towards Circle Seven.