Gaseous Girl and the Winds of Time 16: Feelings and Bunnies
She's a flying brick with the power to control one of the fundamental states of matter, but no one takes her seriously. That's about to change.
Previously, Gaseous Girl was using reached the massive windstorm that is the Second Circle of Hell, only to come face-to-face with her ex-boyfriend Ben! The shock of this revelation knocked her off-balance and sent her spinning off into the wind…
Madeleine’s life flashed before her eyes as she fell through the unceasing windstorms of the second circle of hell. She had lost her concentration when she had seen Ben and she hadn't got it back yet. It’s hard to take a moment to collect one’s thoughts and focus on the wind when that same wind is tumbling you about end over cape like socks in some gigantic dryer.
Suddenly she saw a flash of green in the distance and kicked her way towards it. She didn’t know where her evil self was right then or even what the green flash was, but hopefully it was Circle One and a way out of the Infernal Regions at last. Madeleine desperately hoped so, because she was getting wildly sick of this place. She missed her car, her normal life, and she missed her friends. Audrey the telepath, brilliant mind, loved words of more than one syllable, occasionally failed to grasp the concept of privacy. Trina, who could turn invisible, or purple, or, whatever other color she liked, who had once asked Madeleine to look after her little Rosalie during an unexpectedly lengthy patrol, and had neglected to tell Madeleine that the kid could also turn invisible. Natalie, the invulnerable, whom she had met in Toronto while pursuing the Maple Leaf Mayhem Maiden. Lucy, master of electricity, real fun to have around when throwing one’s own Fourth of July party. She almost missed her usual bad guys: Crudmuffin, Screaming Banshee, the Rogue Jaywalker…
Then a second cape collided abruptly into her. Madeleine snapped back to the immediate moment and seized hold of her evil self. “I should’ve known it would be you,” she yelled. “Come on, we’re getting out of here!”
“I got your guy!” Evil Madeleine yelled back. Sure enough, she was clinging tightly to Ben’s arm.
“Fine, whatever,” Madeleine said, “Let’s fly.”
Wendell hated his job. The powers below had appointed him to replace the giant snake Minos who’d last held the post, and he naively believed he would command the same respect. He was wrong. When the latest entrant came before him and Wendell made six solemn hops to indicate the proper destination, the new arrival actually burst out laughing. Wendell snarled and waved his paw. The newly deceased soul's laughter was cut short as it descended into hell. Wendell watched it go, feeling glum. Always the laughter. Always.
In the distance he could hear the eternal howling of the winds of Circle Two. Wendell shivered. He was quite safe, he knew, here in the pleasantly bland fields of Circle One. Circle One was where people went who weren't really good or bad, who just drifted through life not really getting involved in anything. You had to get to Circle Two before you ran into the types who were really messed up. And every one of them passed by Wendell, the giant fluffy bunny who dispatched them all to their proper places in the lower regions. No one had ever come back, which was fine with Wendell.
Then he gasped in astonishment. Someone, a woman in a purple and black uniform, had just flown out of the windstorm. No one ever got free of the windstorm. Wendell had been at his post for two centuries. He was professionally indignant. Then his indignation rose to fever pitch when a second person flew out, another woman in purple and black. Worse, she was dragging yet a third out with her, a man this time. Wendell bounded towards them, his eyes blazing in fury. "Hey! Hey you!" he bellowed. "Get back in there!"
All three had landed on the grass, scuffing up the terrain with their boots. The guy looked stunned, so much so that he ignored the oncoming bunny. "So, Maddie," he said. "Didn't expect to see you here." He looked between the two identical Madeleines. "Didn't know you were a twin, either."
"I'm not a twin, Ben," Madeleine Prime said. "That's the evil me. Long story."
"I've got time," Ben said, bitterness in his voice. "Lots of time."
Another pause ensued. Wendell tried again. "All three of you, back inside, right-"
Madeleine casually seized the bunny and hurled him like a football away towards the castle. He landed with a distant thud and a yelp. She went back to ignoring him. "About that, just curious, how did you get down here?"
"The hard way. Plague. Caught it from Lizzie."
"Figured that might be it," Madeleine said, and suddenly her face twisted with pain. "God, Ben, I liked you. All through high school. And then you went and..." She couldn't go on.
"Paid for it, didn't I?" Ben said. "Learned that life lesson. Stuck here for all eternity and so forth."
"Well," Madeleine said. "Should've stayed with me."
"Yeah. I really should’ve."
For a moment, Madeleine felt sorry for him. She'd gotten her heart broken that Christmas, sure but Ben had wound up down here. Then again, she didn't really want to emphasize the point. Especially since-
"Ben," she said, "I can't stay. I've got to break out of hell, save the universe. Comes with the territory. I’m a superhero now."
"When did-?" Ben said.
"After Christmas. Long story."
"Right. No time. I don't suppose you can take me with you?"
He'd asked, not really expected her to say yes. She wanted to say yes. But there were rules. The iron realities of hell could not be trifled with.
"I'm sorry," Madeleine said. Her eyes burned, but she didn't cry. She only blinked, very hard.
"Hey, that stupid bunny's comin' back," Evil Madeleine piped up. "Want me to flame him?" She sounded hopeful.
Madeleine Prime sighed. "No. You can't flame the stupid bunny. Let's just get out of here."
"Maddie-" Ben began.
Gaseous Girl kicked off into the sky. She didn't look back. Evil Madeleine shrugged. "Hey, bud, I forgot your name, but fun fact, in my world, I cheated on you. Go figure, huh? Anyway, see ya!"
They both flew away into Circle One. Madeleine Prime still wasn't crying. She just wanted to get out. Focus on that, she thought. Then she wouldn't have to think about anything else. Especially not about Ben.
What she could think about was getting out of hell at last. As she and Evil Madeleine skimmed over the grassy fields of Circle One, she allowed herself to think, just for a moment, about what would happen after they busted out of hell. The whole point of her trip through the Infernal Regions had been to break out her evil self and try to undo the damage to reality that Evil Madeleine had caused. But now that she was near the point, how was she supposed to fix reality? It wasn't like she could stick some duct tape on it and walk away. Or could she?
She pondered the possibilities of reality-mending duct tape as she raced through the First Circle of Hell. A high ridge rose up before them, a long slope of faded grass topped with a few spindly trees. Madeleine knew that the river Acheron just had to be beyond. One more river, and then she'd be out. She swooped up the ridge, shot past the trees, and -
Both Madeleines stopped dead in their tracks. The river Acheron lay before them, all right, with the traditional ferry crewed by Charon, a living skeleton in a cowl. But beyond the river, in rank upon rank, gathered the largest army that Madeleine had ever seen. Every horrific creature she could possibly imagine had assembled there, from giant verminous insects straight out of Kafka to slimy tentacled things that could've been cousins of Cthulhu. She saw people she recognized, too. Screwbolt, the goblin from Circle Nine and a great many of his goblin friends, the centaurs from Circle Seven, and a whole division of jackbooted Nazis from Circle Six. The army spanned the far bank of the river as far as she could see. It didn't look at all like they intended to let her pass.
Calmly she walked down the far side of the ridge to the ferryman. "Hi there," she said, trying heroically to ignore the massive army on the other side. "I'd like to get across, please. And my friend, too."
"No," came the icy-cold voice from the skeleton. "No one crosses back over the river. No one escapes from-"
"Oh? Pity," Madeleine said, and flame-blasted Charon so hard that the flames went right through him and exploded the ferry in a shower of steam and ash. Then she strode through the ash and glared at the forces assembled on the far bank. "Right, who's next?"
“Ooh,” Evil Madeleine said, “now this is what I call fun.”