Conversations with Me
Note: the prompt for this story was from
: write a dialogue with your past self. Well, here we go:Scene: Mid-2009.
Past Me: “Boy, this news about the swine flu seems worrying. I don’t know very much about it. I wonder if you can get it from hot dogs?”
Future Me: “Hey there.”
Past Me: “WHAA-”
Future Me: “Calm down, Mike. I’m from the future.”
Past Me: “Really? Like how far? Has the Rapture happened? Did we make it?”
Future Me: “Erm. That’s…complicated. Let’s put a pin in that. Meanwhile, ah, hey, you’re worried about the swine flu, well, just wait.”
Past Me: “Why, because it goes away and humanity learns how to prepare for pandemics and we’re all ready for the next one?”
Future Me: “….”
Past Me: “That was a very ominous pause.”
Future Me: “Let’s put a pin in that too. But hey, good news, you graduate college! And you’re a writer!”
Past Me: “Great! All that time I put in on Xanga really paid off!”
Future Me: “…”
Past Me: “Don’t tell me.”
Future Me: “Well, you’re on Substack now.”
Past Me: “Oh, okay. Cool! Cool beans. Hey, unrelatedly, I’ve heard good things about this animated show, Avatar: the Last Airbender, and I see there’s a movie coming out next year. M. Night Shyamalan’s directing. Sounds good, right?”
Future Me: “…”
Past Me: “Ooookay.”
Future Me: “But hey, on the bright side, you learn where the pituitary gland is!”
Past Me: “That…seems oddly specific.”
Future Me: “Trust me, you’re going to want to know that.”
Past Me: “Not sure I do.”
Future Me: “Well, see you.”
Past Me: “Wait, what about lottery numbers? Sports champions? Knowledge I can use, you know? Future presidents, maybe?”
Future Me, *winces*: “Let’s…let’s just not talk about that.”
*disappears into the void of Time*.
End Scene.
Michael this is a masterpiece
This is the best ever. Like, absolutely ever.