Cars I have Known
It’s always been my philosophy that whenever you get a car, you should name it. I think this gives it a sense of personality. I’ve always named the cars I’ve owned, at any rate and we’ve still named our current car, even though I’m not the one driving it. (Long story).
So in this post, I thought I’d go into loving reminiscence and tell you about my automobiles of the halcyon days of my youth, and afterwards.
1. The Van
I didn’t name that one, because it wasn’t really mine; it belonged to my parents. However, it was the first car I learned to drive in, and one has attachments about such things. It was a white Ford Aerostar van with a sliding side door, and it had a cassette player. (It was the 90s; good times). I listened to audiobooks in it and drove a paper route in it (this was back when paper routes were more of a thing), and as mentioned I learned to drive in it. But alas, all good cars come to an end, and eventually the van stopped running well.
2. Lady Lex
This was my first car, and it was the one I named. She was a gray Nissan Infinity Q45, and she reminded me vaguely of a battleship, not unlike the U.S.S. Lexington, ergo, Lady Lex. (This is how I roll). Lady Lex was a nice car, except the parts were relatively expensive to replace, and also she developed a habit of suddenly dying on me. Electrical problems or something. So I moved on to…
3. Princess Leia
This was a green Toyota Camry (Toy Yoda… get it? Get it? Yeah.) Princess Leia did pretty well, and had a CD player (Lady Lex did too); however, it eventually developed that there was a crack in the heat gasket. This will also cause your car to stop unexpectedly, such as in the middle of a busy city intersection or at a drive-thru window at Wendy’s, just so you know. (True stories, alas). Cracks in the heat gasket are expensive, and I’d already put a bit of money into Princess Leia by then, so I moved on to driving my parents’ cars for a while until…
4. Betty Anne
She was a Ford Escape (Gerald Ford’s wife was Elizabeth Anne Ford, known as Betty). She was cool; she’s the first car I had with the ability to connect my phone and play audiobooks and songs through the car speakers. She’s also the first car my wife and I picked. We still have Betty Anne; she’s got one or two problems (a door doesn’t open; the air has issues, etc.). And so we acquired…
5. Frances
She’s a Kia Soul. (St. Frances of Rome is the patron saint of cars). So far she’s doing very well. It’s got the phone connectivity and working a/c and everything! (Nifty!) We’ve already tested it with a rousing sing-along of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno,” which the Youngling thoroughly enjoyed (she does Felix’s “Thunder!” part).
And that’s the lot, as it were.
Closing Time
One of my favorite short stories, and the only thing I’ve read by Kurt Vonnegut, is a story called Report on the Barnhouse Effect . It’s about a professor who develops telekinesis and tells the U.S. government about it; things go on from there. It’s right up my alley; a darkly comic superhero story with an almost Twilight Zone-ish flair. If you can find it, you should check it out.