Ask the Captain: Reunion

Hello and welcome to our revived (again) advice column by Captain Happily Married, Edison City’s heroic defender against evil, injustice, and interpersonal conflicts! Today’s topic: friendship!

Dear Captain:

Under normal circumstances I would not be doing this, you understand. As you know, both state and federal authorities including the Department of Engagement with Risk-enhanced Persons have issued guidance on the dangers inherent in unauthorized civilian vigilantism and disallowing official contacts vis-a-vis said civilian viligantes. However… I seem to have a situation.

Recently I was out buying my usual complement of standard suits and casual wear (receipts attached). I happened to notice that an old school pal of mine was in the next aisle perusing some socks. Naturally I walked over to say hello, ask how he’d been. He seemed under unusual stress, and after some conversation he asked if he could confide something to me over a cup of coffee. We concluded our purchases at the store and bought coffee at a nearby restaurant, and as we sat down he asked what I’d been up to. Naturally I told him about my position as a Special Agent with D.E.R.P., keeping this great country of ours safe from the unregulated peril of civilian vigilantism.

Well, all at once he said that he’d changed his mind and he didn’t want to talk about anything, and he’d enjoyed the reunion but he had to get back. At that point I had my suspicions, so I of course drew on him as a preliminary action with a view towards taking him into custody, and he not only froze my coffee solid but hit me with a freeze ray and turned my car tires into blocks of solid ice before running away! Now, Captain, as you can imagine he didn’t leave his contact information, I wonder if you could relay to him the attached itemized claim for damages, including the car repair assessment, the hospital emergency melting bill, and the coffee receipt? His name’s Drake Sinclair, cryokinetic powers; I’ve attached a security photo I was able to obtain from the coffee shop.

Sincerely,

Byron W. McDuff, Special Agent, D.E.R.P.

Special Agent McDuff,

It seems to me you neglected to include an apology in your missive! As you didn’t, I took the liberty of sending one for you! As for the other documents you attached, I regret to report that they were all incinerated by my thermokinetic daughter Sauna and cannot be recovered. These things happen, you know!

In justice,

Captain Happily Married

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This story inspired by

Scoot

‘s Flash Fiction Friday prompt:

If you’d like to submit a question to be answered by Captain Happily Married or one of his friends, leave a comment or send an email! New columns in this revived feature run every Friday!