Ask the Captain: Oh, Crime

Hello and welcome to our weekly advice column by Captain Happily Married, Edison City’s heroic defender against evil, injustice, and interpersonal conflicts! Today’s topic: personal security!

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Dear Captain,

I’m hoping this is just paranoia on my part, but then again, you never know, don’t you? After all, I myself have at least eleven crime syndicates looking to take me down, several of them international. Several! We’re talking across the Atlantic, my friend. That’s naturally why I secured my secret TitaniumLair with the most complex security system possible, password-protected, the works. Everything from my rocket boots to my backup armor is safe and secure, thanks to LockUpCorps! For a low monthly payment you too can secure your personal information behind layers of positively impenetrable encryption! Only a master hacker with beyond-genius levels of computer programming skills would be able to even attempt a try at cracking their firewalls!

Anyway, I digress. I received a call the other day from a gentleman (I think he was, anyway, it was a bit staticky on his end), who said he had received a report of an attempted hack into my TitaniumLair computers! I was naturally alarmed! The gentleman said that they had managed to defeat the hack but would need to update the system to compensate for this, and as a result he needed my current password. Of course I gave it to him, and I was greatly relieved to know the security of my secret base was in good hands, but since then, I have wondered. Would a company like that risk asking me for highly secure information on a.. phone call?

Is it possible, Captain, that I made an error?

Hoping not,

Titanium-Alloy Guy

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Dear Titanium-Alloy Man,

I consulted with Super-Soccer Mom, my matrimonial partner and ally in all things crimefighting on this one, as I have less experience in computers and more experience in punching evildoers with mighty fists of justice!

However, she confirmed to me that the call you received was indeed illegitimate. She checked with LockUpCorps herself, who confirmed that they absolutely never ask for this sort of information on the phone, and suggested that you change your password immediately! Your heroic hideout is in danger! I myself of course use the most secure of all passwords possible; no one would ever even think of guessing that [REDACTED,] is my keyword to-

It occurs to me that I probably shouldn’t be getting into that. Anyway. Good luck, Titanium-Alloy Guy! Be more careful next time!

In justice,

Captain Happily Married

Editorial Note: this may or may not have been inspired by an incident from my own experiences. While I don’t have a superhero lair, I do have a bank debit card, the PIN number for which is also something you should not disclose to people posing as your bank over the phone. I learned that the hard way a few years ago. In life, as in the first Doctor Strange movie, the warnings come after the spells.