8: Rocky Roads
Previously on And When Two Villains Woo, rogue hero John Cute has set up the Malevolent Med-Student in a secret lab so he can use thrudanium to unlock the power of immortality! Meanwhile, Sam Superlative Jr. is in pursuit of loyal henchwoman Candystriper and her new robotic arm, while she herself is on the way back to her employer’s hideout! Before we resume their story, first a short commercial word!
Candystriper was, in all fairness, a perfectly loyal henchwoman fully capable of carrying out her diabolical superior’s orders, even before she’d acquired a fun-filled robot arm. She absolutely intended to do what the Malevolent Med-Student would’ve wanted, which was to go to the hideout and regroup, organize a search for him, etc. The problem was, sometimes she got a little distracted.
She had arrived on the street that led to the hideout, but then she saw an ice cream truck and wouldn’t you know it the heat ray on her robot arm went off and fried the truck’s engines and of course someone had to step in and take all that ice cream off the driver’s hands before it melted, right? It would’ve been a shame if all those Captain Happily Maraschino Cherry pints went to waste. (She’d sent in an idea for her own inspired flavor, Cotton Candystriper, but they’d turned her down, the jerks).
As she happily began relieving the ice cream truck of its contents, she didn’t see Sam Superlative Jr. drop down from the sky and land, rather obviously, behind a tree. “Okay,” he said to himself, “I can do this. It’s just talking. I’ve talked to people before. I can do talking, right?”
“Oh, you have it bad,” a voice said, and Sam nearly leapt into flight again. When he recovered from his surprise he realized that Meg Atomic had come up behind them. “Hey there,” she said. “You want to explain what’s going on?”
“I, uh…” Sam said, trying to muster his best superhero voice. “I’m preparing to apprehend a fugitive from justice!”
“Uh-huh,” Meg said. “So go on. Apprehend.”
Sam shot an agonized look towards the ice cream truck in the distance. “Well, it’s just…um…”
Meg sighed. “Oh, Sammie. Look, I have to tell you. Android Pete sent out a message. There’s more people coming. I got here first, but my dad, Titanium-Alloy Guy, the Wombat and his crew, and…” she paused for one moment, “And your dad are on their way. Right now, as of this moment, they don’t know you’re here. That is going to change of course once they get here.”
Sam’s heart raced. His thoughts felt like they were talking back at him. His dad was coming. Why was he coming? Why were they all coming? All he’d wanted was one chance to talk to someone, to talk to her, and now everyone was coming to ruin it before he even had the chance-
“I know what you’re going through, I’ve been there,” Meg was saying. “Recently, actually. But trust me, relationships like this don’t work out-”
“Shut up,” Sam said, and with that he stepped out from behind the tree and walked straight towards the ice cream truck. He had the desperate feeling that he’d run away if he’d lost his nerve, and he clearly didn’t have much time. He knocked on the side of the truck.
Candystriper emerged, looking quizzical. “Oh, hey,” she said. “You get around.”
“Yeah,” he said, suddenly lost for words.
“Want some?” she said. “There’s a whole stack of Wombat Tracks I haven’t gotten to yet.”
“Oh, uh-”
At that moment everything around them shook with the force of a graviton pulse. “Okay, fun time’s over,” Meg Atomic said, swooping in and landing just beside them. “I hate to be the bad guy here, so to speak, but-”
“You snitched!” Candystriper said accusingly, rounding on Sam.
“I didn’t!” Sam protested.
Just then there was a sudden even louder boom. “CANDYSTRIPER!” a voice said. “PUT DOWN THE ROBOT ARM AND GIVE YOURSELF UP!”
“And you brought your dad too,” she said acidly. “Way to go, Junior-”
Sam jumped into super-speed. It was something he’d been working on in practice. As far as he knew his dad either didn’t have it or didn’t use it, preferring to rely on the standard flight-strength combo. Trouble was, if you didn’t use an ability in your power set, you tended to forget about it. Sam hadn’t forgotten.
All Meg and the others knew was that Sam suddenly blurred and there was a whoosh and a quick succession of thumping noises and then suddenly he and Candystriper and the truck were gone. The driver, unconscious, lay on the ground, as did one wheel and a few overturned cartons of Green Apple Moth.
They have Ben and Jerry's in your universe?