8: Fightin' Time, Part Two
Previously on We’re not in Edison City Anymore, John Cute struck a deal with Cthulhu in exchange for the power of the Old Ones so he could take down Candystriper and the Malevolent Med-Student! Meanwhile, in another dimension, Sam Superlative Jr. is doing battle on a humanoid colony moon against an unknown alien fleet! Will anyone survive? We’ll find out soon, but first, our usual commercial word!
And now, back to the story!
Edison City, Present Day
The thing about really climactic superhero fights is that they immediately draw the attention of any or all of the participants in the other dozen or so smaller-scale fights that may be going on in the city at any given time. The Mauve Mosquito, for example, was battling it out with her sworn nemesis the Psycho Swatter in a nearby alleyway when suddenly they both felt the titanic shockwave caused by John Cute and Captain Happily Married’s collision.
Each reacted according to their nature. “Welp, I’m out,” the Swatter said, and bolted for it. The Mauve Mosquito, on the other way, flew straight towards the sound of the battle. As she whipped around a corner and into sight of the hospital, she froze in midair, stunned by what she saw.
All was chaos. The stately glass floor to ceiling windows adorning the hospital’s front entrance had been smashed beyond recognition. Smoking craters littered the street, and in between them the wrecks of shattered cars burned, many still sounding their car alarms like animals in distress. People, some injured, some only in shock, wandered about, unsure where to go to safety. Until moments before they would’ve assumed the hospital itself. Now-
Now John Cute traded furious blows with Captain Happily Married and Samuel Superlative the Third, while Gaseous Girl circled above waiting for just the right instant to take Cute out with the Mother of all Flame Blasts (she’d sent in trademark paperwork but hadn’t heard back yet). Ron Raven was down, but he could resurrect himself, everyone knew that, the Wombat was probably underground somewhere for an ambush but the Green Moth- where was she? The Mauve Mosquito couldn’t see her. Had she gone into the hospital? Was she underneath a pile of rubble?
No more time for questions. The Mauve Mosquito buzzed into an attack vector. She was two feet from John Cute’s head when he suddenly screamed words that sounded like fhtagn ignwgn and a bolt of dark something blasted across the street. It caught the Wombat just as he had popped up from a crater in the sidewalk for a run at Cute; he flew aside, fell to the ground, and didn’t move. The shockwave from the bolt’s passing knocked the Captain and Samuel Superlative away like bowling pins, sent Gaseous Girl from the sky into a dumpster, and snapped the Mauve Mosquito away into the sky.
John Cute stood astride the smoldering wreck of an ambulance, arms folded, a smile on his face. “Anyone else?” he said.
Out from behind the rubble of the front entrance strolled the Malevolent Med-Student. “I’d like to have a go.”
“Shouldn’t you be burying your minion?” John Cute snapped.
“She’s not dead yet, no thanks to you,” the Malevolent Med-Student said, very calmly.
“Wonderful,” John said, looking up at the hospital, “I was just wondering who to blast next!”
“Actually,” the Malevolent Med-Student said, “You might want to start with her.” He pointed.
“What-” John said, which was as far as he got before Gaseous Girl emerged in a blaze from the dumpster and hit him with the aforementioned Mother of All Flame Blasts. John Cute actually went airborne and flew several feet, coming down hard on a stretch of asphalt that hadn’t yet been cratered or burnt through. Still John managed to clamber upright again.
“You morons!” he roared, “You insane weaseling morons! I hold the power of Cthulhu, and you think that can defeat me?”
“No,” the Malevolent Med-Student said. “I did hope it would distract you, though. Mostly I was stalling.”
“For what?” John demanded.
“Hello,” the Green Moth said, appearing in a flash next to John Cute. She hit him, there was a quiet bloop, and he vanished.
There was a stunned sort of silence, punctuated by the crackling of multiple car fires and wailing sirens. Gaseous Girl sat down and leaned back wearily against the smoldering dumpster she’d stormed out of. “Hey,” she said, waving at the Green Moth. “Where’d you come from?”
“I was going up to check on Candystriper,” the Green Moth said, “Then I met the Malevolent Med-Student coming down. We came to an understanding.”
“Cool,” Gaseous Girl said. “Everyone else okay? Ron, still dead?”
“No,” Ron said from his spot over on the street. “Tired, though.”
“Aren’t we all. Wombat?”
“Here,” he said, waving weakly. “Also tired. Think I broke something.”
“Good thing we’re at a hospital. Samuel, Cap, you guys good?”
The two nodded just as the Mauve Mosquito flew wobbily back on scene. “Anyone have some very tiny aspirin on hand?” she piped up.
The little group of heroes pulled themselves together and staggered inside. By unspoken agreement, nobody asked what had happened to John Cute, and the Green Moth didn’t seem particularly in the mood to tell. They also, in that same unspoken way, didn’t call attention to the Malevolent Med-Student’s presence; indeed, Gaseous Girl even pulled up a chair for him when they settled into the cafeteria after getting patched up for the customary post-battle discussion and drinks. They had won, after all, and for now, that was enough.
It’s so fun to see the Malevolent Med-Student not quite so malevolent anymore.