6: The Once and Future Meg
Previously on 2.17 Seconds into Never, Meg Atomic has landed in Arthurian England and is now trying to stop Lancelot from running away with Guinevere. Unfortunately, she’s just run up against the powerful wizard Merlin, and he is not happy…
“So,” Merlin growled, with all the air of a thunderstorm that extremely disapproves of your behavior, “Wherefore are thou come to the realm of Camelot, and how is it that thou knowest my name, yet I know not of thee?”
“It’s hard to explain,” Meg Atomic said. She knew some of the stories said that Merlin lived backwards, or could see the future, or something along that line, but she wasn’t sure how much of that was true and how much was authorial embellishment.
Merlin narrowed his eyes. “Thou art not of this time.”
“Ah,” Meg said. “I suppose that clears that up. All right, you caught me, I’m from the future, and I’ve come with grave tidings!” She pointed dramatically towards Guinevere. “Tidings of your doom!”
Meg sent off a small graviton blast with her other hand, producing a dramatic booming noise. Her audience, Merlin excluded, looked genuinely impressed.
“What do you mean?” Guinevere said. “What is this doom of which you speak?”
“Yes,” rang out a new voice, and all at once Merlin moved aside with a deep bow of respect as a tall man stepped forward beside Guinevere. “What doom is this that you have prophesied unto my wife, strange woman, and what have you done unto our brave knight Lancelot?”
Meg blinked. There beside Guinevere stood Arthur, son of Uther, king of Camelot, leader of the Knights of the Round Table, wielder of Excalibur, which unfortunately he had now drawn from its fabled scabbard and aimed right at her. She made a mental note that once all this was settled she needed to remind Arthur not to leave the scabbard lying about; the stories had said something about his half sister Morgan swiping the thing.
“Right,” she said, trying to think how to break the news to King Arthur himself about the whole Guinevere and Lancelot affair. “The doom, well, yes. Erm. Well, it, ah, involves, that is to say, it’s connected with-”
She would never quite have the chance to explain. Gaseous Girl was soaring in overhead, her team catching up behind (Ron Raven had commandeered an unattended oxcart for himself and the Green Moth, while the Wombat was burrowing along underground). Gaseous Girl had arrived first, however, and the first thing she saw was Meg Atomic being held at swordpoint. She wasn’t overly familiar with the Arthurian legends, and so she naturally assumed her friend had been taken hostage somehow. Gaseous Girl reacted as anyone would in her situation. She screamed in with flames blazing and snap-kicked King Arthur clear across the courtyard of Camelot into a passing flock of chickens, who scattered in a terrified burst of squawking and singed feathers.
She scooped up the sword where it had fallen from the man’s hand and turned to Meg. “Hey, you all right?”
“No!” Meg exclaimed in horror. “You just killed King Arthur!”
“I what now?” Gaseous Girl said.
Merlin didn’t say anything; he raised his hand and suddenly it wasn’t a human hand anymore it was a paw and all at once he was a massive bear, large and fearsome, bellowing in almighty fury. The Wombat emerged from the ground just in time to see the bear; he didn’t hesitate but immediately hurled one of his deadliest wombombs at it. The bear swiped at it and came roaring forward right through the explosion. “Oh, crap,” said the Wombat, and dived for cover into the earth as the bear charged down upon them.
Ron Raven arrived seconds later to find a scene in chaos, villagers and castle guards scattering in panic, a gigantic bear rampaging around the castle, and Meg and Gaseous Girl throwing graviton bursts and bolts of flame at it in turn, which the bear just seemed to shrug off. Ron steered the oxcart right up to them. “What’s going on?” he gasped
“She killed Arthur, the Wombat’s burrowing someplace, and the bear’s Merlin!” Meg Atomic said in a tense staccato of words. “Any ideas?”
“You did what?” Ron Raven said. “The King Arthur?”
“Can we deal with the freakin’ bear first?” a majorly stressed Gaseous Girl said, diving behind the oxcart just as the bear tore up a boulder from the ground and hurled it past them. The ground shook with its impact. The oxen tore loose from the cart and ran off snorting in high dudgeon; they hadn’t been asked to ride into battle and wanted no further part of it.
“Fine,” Ron Raven said, “I’ll talk to it!”
With that, he rose up from behind the oxcart and strode out towards the bear. “You there!” he challenged. “Yes, you! The bear! I want to talk to you!”
The bear paused, just for a moment.
“I understand you’re upset!” Ron Raven said. “That being so, I’d like to make a few points if I may-”
The bear, roaring in defiance, charged straight for him.
What an unfortunate and undignified end for the once and future king…
This made me laugh quite a bit, though.
King Arthur was never a real person to begin with, so he couldn't "die".