5: Captain Down
Captain Happily Married: The Serial
Previously, Captain Happily Married lost his superpowers in midflight after the cracking of the Relic of St. Gengulphus! Fortunately, another superhero was nearby and able to catch him just in time! Or perhaps… not so fortunately?
It wasn’t until his boots touched ground and Sunflower landed beside him that Captain Happily Married fully realized what had just happened. Even then he didn’t quite believe it. He took a quick start and leapt into the air, ignoring Sunflower’s startled “Hey!”
He made it about two feet off the ground before landing in an ungainly collapse, nearly colliding with a passerby who was trying to walk her dog. The dog barked angrily at what he perceived as a gross infringement on his territorial rights. The Captain was nearly as upset as he clambered back to his feet, so upset that he neglected to apologize to the passerby. “Great George C. Scott! Do you realize what this means?”
“You can’t fly?” Sunflower said, rather obviously.
“Not just that!” the Captain said. “I’ve lost my superpowers, which means the Sacred Kneecap of St. Gengulphus has been damaged, or worse, destroyed!”
He didn’t even acknowledge the darker possibility, which was that something had happened to his marriage. Even in that terrible hour, Captain Happily Married still would not let that go.
“Oh dear,” Sunflower said. “So that means you can’t fly, and what else?”
“I’ve lost my super-strength, my Extra-Matrimonal Senses, my ability to hurl a unity candle at deadly accuracy!”
“What about your nigh-invulnerability?”
“Well, I don’t know…” the Captain said in some confusion. “I haven’t really checked-”
“Let’s find out,” Sunflower said, and she hit the Captain with an energy blast so powerful it knocked him clear across the street, through the plate-glass windows of the clothing store opposite and halfway into the men’s section. The thunderclap echoed down the streets of the city.
Meg Atomic had just reached the rubble of the building where she had tracked the Kaboominator. She had narrowed her focus, trying to work out where in the debris the Sacred Kneecap might be. When she heard the explosion, however, she snapped around. “That sounds different,” she said. “I’ve heard a lot of explosions in this city. That one’s new.”
“You can tell between explosion sounds?” Hawkins, the lingering agent from the Department of Engagement with Risk-Identified Persons, said curiously. He had already called in the building attack, which left him nothing to do now but wait for the D.E.R.P. response team.
“Of course,” Meg said absently. “Debris sounds, impact waves, shock wave frequencies. Gaseous Girl favors a continuous flame blast; Titanium-Alloy Guy likes rockets. They’re different.”
“So who’s this one?” Hawkins asked.
“I don’t know,” Meg said. “It doesn’t make sense. There’s too many variables. Something else is going on here.” She closed her eyes, trying to calculate, trying to understand.
Her communicator buzzed urgently. She checked the readout. “My mother. As if I needed this now.” Meg reached for it, paused, then hit the answer button. “What is it?”
“Meg, where are you? Are you on patrol?”
“Yes,” Meg lied unhesitatingly, which surprised Hawkins. He’d done some research before reaching out, but hadn’t known the family dynamics were quite that tense.
“I’m at Vault Site B with Seymour; I can’t reach your father. The Kneecap and the Kaboominator have been stolen. Do you have eyes on him?” Tasha’s voice was taut with worry. Hawkins could feel it bleeding through the static.
He looked at Meg and saw things click together in her face. Without another word she began running towards the direction of the new explosion.
Back at the clothing store, as Captain Happily Married struggled to climb out of the pile of polo shirts he had just been clocked into, he heard someone scream in terror nearby. He looked up and saw Sunflower hovering over him, crackling with energy.
“What?” he managed.
“My brother was Commander Shadow,” she said, her eyes blazing with fury. “He should’ve found that relic. He should’ve been chosen. But no, they said he wasn’t worthy. They said it wouldn’t work. And you know what happened? Your wife helped lock him away somewhere so deep I don’t even know if he’s on this planet!”
The Captain had a spare unity candle for emergencies. He tried throwing it. He missed. Sunflower barely even noticed.
“So,” she said, gathering power around her, closing her hand into a fist, “She took away him, I take away you. That seems fair, don’t you think?”
Sunflower raised her hand and fired.
Thank you for reading! For prior episodes and other stories in the world of Edison City, check out the Edison City Index below. Stay tuned for next week as the adventure continues!