3: Enter the Professor

Captain Happily Married: The Serial

Previously, Super Soccer Mom had just told Captain Happily Married about the break-in at Vault Site B and the theft of the Sacred Kneecap; meanwhile, Meg Atomic met secretly with Agent Hawkins of D.E.R.P. and told him that the Kneecap should be destroyed! We rejoin our story, already in progress!

There wouldn’t be much time. The Professor knew that. Seymour would reach the vault site and scan the area, and as careful as the Professor had been, some sort of trace would undoubtedly be found. One could not control everything. Since one could not do so, one was, of course, left with only the one logical solution, no?

The Professor believed so, anyway. Everything was prepared. The Kaboominator was set on Omega-Level, and it was aimed right at the Sacred Kneecap of St. Gengulphus. All that remained was for the Captain to make his appearance. He would, no doubt; after all, his powers were on the line.

The Professor almost laughed. If only he knew. If only he knew.

---

Hawkins still didn’t trust her, which was why she was in the seat next to him as the D.E.R.P. security van sped through the streets of the city. “You’re sure this’ll work?” he said yet again.

“Of course I am,” Meg Atomic said. “I’ve done the calculations myself, and checked, and rechecked. The Sacred Kneecap being what it is, it emits a semi-spectral aura only visible within the hagiographic spectrum. I made the halioscope myself to track the aura just in case if it were ever stolen. Borrowed some parts from Titanium-Alloy Guy. I should thank him someday.”

An odd expression passed over her face, as if she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Hawkins missed it as he was driving like a maniac through the crowded downtown. “Same to you, bud!” he shouted to an angry motorist who’d just gestured in a particularly expressive way at him.

“If you drove a bit more cautiously, we might-” Meg Atomic began.

“Just shut up and focus on the haliwhatsit, all right?” Hawkins said irritably. Normally he wouldn’t have been rude to a carefully cultivated source. But he couldn’t help it. Traffic always aggravated him. And besides, he wanted to get there before the Captain did. Even in a high-powered state-of-the-art security van, it’s hard to beat a guy who can fly.

Meg let it pass. For one thing, she did need to focus on the halioscope, even if his point was couched in extremely rude terms. For another, she knew one or two things he didn’t, and that bothered her, since he had the force of the Department behind him. She hadn’t mentioned her weakness, for instance.

It was understandable; capes in Edison City typically didn’t go around talking about their one and only weakness anyway, even if they weren’t secretly working with the Department. But in Meg’s case it was a problem. She could see probabilities, sure, just as she’d told him back at the office. She could calculate possible outcomes out through multiple generations. What she hadn’t mentioned was that she could only do her calculations based on information she knew. If something or someone entirely unknown entered the scenario, all her work went out the window.

She’d led Hawkins to believe otherwise. She’d led a lot of people to think that. Allowed for educated guesswork, assumptions, a bit of gray area. The line between calculating possible outcomes and seeing the future gets blurred. Hawkins had missed the difference. Meg Atomic hadn’t, and she worried.

She was right to worry. The security van whipped around the final corner and came within sight of the building where the halioscope showed the Sacred Kneecap would be, and just at that moment a blinding blue wave of light shot across the road and stopped the car dead in its tracks.

“What in the-” Hawkins said.

“Hello,” said an ethereally calm voice from outside the car. Both Hawkins and Meg Atomic quickly scrambled outside, and saw a blue-clad figure wearing a helmet floating in the air. “I am Doctor Speed. Your vehicle was traveling unsafely, and pedestrians were in danger. I have addressed the danger. You are welcome.”

“Oh, crap,” Hawkins growled, “A newbie.”

Meg Atomic didn’t say anything. She was rapidly redoing multiple scenarios in her head. None of them had accounted for the interruption of a super-powered traffic cop. This was bad. This was very bad.

---

The Professor, on the rooftop of the building, saw the distant flare of Doctor Speed’s plasma barrier. That meant people were coming this direction, very fast, and there was really only a few people with reason to speed towards the building just then. Ah, well, the Professor reflected, such was life. Time to go. Ah, but there was one thing. The Professor set the final timing mechanism on the Kaboominator, flipped a last switch, and fired.

A moment later, the building exploded.

---

Thank you for reading! For prior episodes and other stories in the world of Edison City, check out the Edison City Index below. Stay tuned for next week as the adventure continues!