11. Long Dark Night
Last time in Quarks of the Heart, Meg Atomic had been rushed to the Edison City hospital for superheroes, St. Cupertino, while Candystriper, henchwoman of the Malevolent Med-Student, raced in another direction. We rejoin our story in progress…
They had all gathered in the Cupertino hospital family waiting room. Everyone was unusually quiet, even the Twins. Jamie and Jeremy stood huddled together, wide-eyed, as if afraid if they duplicated they might not come back. This was all very new to them, and they didn’t like it.
Caden had set down his phone. He hadn’t even logged into a particular tournament he’d meant to play that morning, causing a minor upset in the gaming world when cadenrox243 failed to show and a whole new field of contenders emerged. Caden didn’t much care. He wasn’t really sure what to do now. Beside him in the bland hospital chair lay the purple Frisbee that was his sister Tamsin. She had retreated into her Frisbee mode once they’d arrived at the hospital and hadn’t emerged since.
Aaron looked lost without his guitar. He’d forgotten it in the family’s collective rush to the hospital and now he didn’t seem to know what to do, his hands fidgeting and twitching nervously. Caden could relate. Sauna looked the worst of them all. She sat rocking in a corner, radiating a slow burn, muttering to herself, “It’s all my fault it’s all my fault it’s all my fault…” No one quite knew what she meant, although Super Soccer Mom had a suspicion.
She had more pressing concerns at the moment. The doctors weren’t saying much. Meg had slipped into unconsciousness again. The problem was that the bad guys had so many superweapons these days. There was Screaming Banshee and her Agony Amplifier, plus Professor Cthulhu and the Fhtagn Flamey Fryer, not to mention the Malevolent Med-Student and the Pharma-Death Beams. The medical team had been apprised of Liz Flask’s report that the Malevolent Med-Student was responsible and were working on the basis that he’d used a Pharma-Death Beam; the problem was that they didn’t exactly have one immediately available to take apart and analyze. All they knew was what it did, and that was bad enough.
Captain Happily Married knew it was bad. He was pacing back and forth the length of the waiting room, trying to think. He could lift a building if he wanted to. He could fly into the stratosphere and return. Why couldn’t he manage the one simple task of keeping his daughter safe?
Abruptly he stopped. There was one thing he could do. “Tasha,” he rumbled, and Super Soccer Mom looked up. “What did Liz say? Exactly?”
She hesitated. “Justin, are you sure-”
“What did she say?”
Super Soccer Mom gestured to Seymour. The cybernetically enhanced soccer ball quietly played back the recording. The Captain stopped Seymour when it reached the words, “-and she was with the Malevolent Med-Student and I’m sure he did it”.
“Good enough,” he said, and turned towards the waiting room door.
“But-” Super Soccer Mom said.
“Keep me posted,” he said. “I’m going after him.” There was a faint edge of relief in his voice. At last, he had something to do.
Candystriper felt immensely satisfied. There she stood before the solid steel-reinforced door of Vault Site G, the new location of the Kaboominator, and she wasn’t even worried about the insanely complicated-looking lock on the door because she, Candystriper, henchwoman of the Malevolent Med-Student, had figured out the code. Okay, technically he’d actually figured it out thanks to his in-depth conversations with Meg Atomic and the infiltration into her house under the guise of being her boyfriend during which he’d taken the opportunity to observe a seemingly out-of-place DVD of a certain James Bond movie but even so, she, Candystriper, had still… well, anyway. She’d done something. Dangit.
Candystriper shrugged and began to whistle. It was a lost art, whistling. Few did it, anymore. Fortunately, she could whistle like a champ. In this case, she was whistling the musical notes of the theme from that particular movie, the one sung so memorably by Shirley Bassey. She didn’t think it necessary to whistle the ba-waaa-waaas although part of her terribly wanted to. Fortunately, the twenty-four notes of the theme itself were sufficient. As she hit the final high note, the lock clanked loudly and the vault door rumbled open. The Kaboominator shone in all its glory. Better yet, next to it was an entire block of solid thrudanium, just what her boss needed for the Soul-Sucking Scope-O-Sadness, and he hadn’t even asked her for that!
She pulled out her phone. By now the boss should’ve replaced his, she assumed. “Hey,” she said. “I got the thing. You know. Are we still talking in code by the way or what?”
“Never mind,” the Malevolent Med-Student said. “Just grab it and meet me at the hideout as soon as you can. It looks like I have incoming!”
She heard a growing rumbling sound in the background, like an airplane coming in to land. “Right away, boss!” Candystriper said, grabbing the Kaboominator and the thrudanium and running away as fast as she could. This was going to be close, but she didn’t mind. She just knew the Malevolent Med-Student was going to be thrilled.
I hate Keith lol
Professor Cthulhu must have tenure at Misktatonic University in Arkham...