“Igor!” the scientist shouted. “Throw the switch!”
The Igor’s name wasn’t actually Igor; it was Jane, but by then Igor had become less of a given name than an occupation. It wasn’t Jane’s first choice, but she didn’t quite have the grades or the finances for medical school. Thus she’d been forced to take up her current employment.
“Yes, Master!” she said, following the traditional Igor script. Then she threw the switch. Some mad scientists had gone to buttons or even motion sensors; her guy, being a fan of the classics, had kept the big switch on the wall. There was supposed to be a crackle and a tremendous surge of power, and her boss would’ve yelled something like “Live, my creation! LIVE!”
This didn’t happen. The doctor looked perturbed. “Well,” he finally said after an awkward silence, “Throw it again!”
Jane did. Still nothing. She would’ve suggested a third go, but it wasn’t an Igor’s place to question. Besides, just then the laboratory doors crashed open and a squad of angry villagers surged inside.
“That’s quite enough of that!” their leader, the town sheriff bellowed. He had a good fine voice for bellowing, which was mostly how he’d gotten the job in the first place.
“Quite enough of what?” the doctor said. “At the moment, we aren’t doing anything.”
The villagers paused. The sheriff looked around. The place certainly looked suspicious: a castle chamber, strange equipment, bubbling flasks, and most concerning, a table on which lay a corpse. The sheriff seized on that as a starting point. “Oh?” he bellowed. “Then what’s that doing there?”
“Scientific research,” the doctor said blandly.
“How’d you get it?”
Here Jane stepped in. “All parts assembled through proper channels; I have the paperwork right here.” She produced a sheaf of papers and held them for the sheriff to see.
The villagers were beginning to grow restless; they’d come for a bit of fun and destruction, not to stand around going through documents. The sheriff tried one last place. “That there in the corner, that looks like a lightning machine. You’re not about to bring this corpse to life and unleash a horrible monster on our poor helpless village, are you?”
The doctor obviously wanted to say yes. Jane intervened before he could. “No, not at all. That’s just our attempt to build a better sewing machine. For the village. I wouldn’t dream of building a lightning machine. I’d be shocked!”
The pun fell dead as the nearby corpse. The sheriff only grunted. “Well, see that you don’t. All right, you lot, get out of here!”
They all left, grumbling discontentedly. The doctor waited until the last one had closed the door behind him before exulting in triumph. “Those morons! Couldn’t recognize genius when it lay before their eyes! Excellent! Well done, Igor!”
“Actually,” she said, “My name is Jane. I don’t suppose I could have a raise?”
“Well…” the doctor said. “Fine. But not effective until next month.”
“Next Friday.”
“Done. Now then, we must resume the Great Work! Igor! I mean, ah, Jane!”
“Yes, sir?”
“Throw the switch!”
This story inspired by
‘s Tuesday prompt: “That’s quite enough of that.”
Loved it. Poor Jane, at least she had all the correct paper work!
Igor as occupation is my new favorite thing HA